Even heroes have the right to bleed

[Locked like the most lockingest thing EVER, unless you're family]

1. My planet blew up and pretty much everyone who didn't leave in time died. My parents made arrangements to send me away, none of which I remember because I was barely a few months old. They didn't come with me. Basically, my entire species is gone. That in and of itself is something I regret enough, but there's more. I was sent to Earth and some of the fragments from my planet, now meteors, followed along. Those meteor destroyed a town in rural Kansas, and those meteor rocks have done more damage to the human population in the area than can ever be truly understood. All because of me.

2. Just... everything that happened in the days immediately following my 16th birthday. I blew up my spaceship at a time when I thought non one was at the farm. Little did I know that mom and dad had started to drive back to see where I was. The shockwave from the blast hit their truck and they crashed. They both made it out more or less unscathed, except that my mom was pregnant. She'd finally been able to conceive the baby she always thought she couldn't have, and she lost it because of the accident. Because of me.

3. Because of #2, I ran away and lived in, well, what can best be described as a permanent drug high for the better part of three months. I robbed banks. I stole cars. I beat a few guys up within an inch of their lives. One of them was my Dad.

4. Speaking of my Dad, I killed him. It was the happiest day of both our lives. Lana had agreed to marry me and Dad won the State Senator seat. Then Lana was in a car accident and died. I begged Jor-El to help bring her back and in my grief, I didn't hear his warnings. I could only change it once and the balance for him bringing me back to life would still have to be repaid. I thought he meant eventually, not that night. So I went back and Lana was okay. I made sure she stayed that way and instead, my Dad had a heart attack and died. I don't regret saving Lana. But killing the man who's meant the most to you your whole life is something you never forgive yourself for.

5. Letting the other Zoners out when I was freeing myself from the Phantom Zone. I hadn't known it was part of the deal, or that it was even possible for others to escape with me, but they did. And they killed a lot of people before I managed to catch up to them all and stop them for good. In the process I got to be impaled by a giant vine, shot at with nuclear blasts, almost had my spine ripped out of my body, had my mind taken over and made to believe I was actually living in a mental institution and that my whole life had been one big, long delusion and the final kicker, I created a clone of myself that was actually stronger than me. Who managed to come back even after we thought we'd dealt with him to, well, seduce my girlfriend at the time and decide to kill me so he could take over my life permanently. So all in all, I think it rounds out the list nicely.

[/locked]

You know what the best thing about running is? It's quiet. Sure, I can filter out any noise I want when I want, but when I'm running I don't have to. Everything is already silent, temporarily frozen in time and it's pretty much awesome. I'm even a sucker for the whole “wind in your face” cliché.

There isn't much I love more than running that doesn't have to do with my friends or family. It may sound strange, but I don't have to think when I run, aside from making sure I don't miss any important landmarks. Or run into any of them. Otherwise, it's time I can use to clear my head and stop thinking about everything, for a little while anyway. I can just be myself, I can just be without worrying about what bad thing is going to happen next.

It's freedom. And we all need that now and then.

There are certain things you only share with certain people. It could be your friends, your spouse, your parents, your clergyman, your confessor or even your enemy. But all of these people rarely know everything the others do. We give different pieces of ourselves to the ones who really need it to understand the person we are when we're with them.

Sometimes, if you're really lucky, you get to connect with someone who gets to know everything. Someone who gets to see all sides of you and accepts and loves each and every one of them, because they've been right there beside you while you've gone through whatever traumas there are that we all seem to have to deal with from time to time. They know when you're not yourself and they'll go to lengths to make sure you don't hurt yourself or any one else in the process.

[LTTWK]
They'll hide Kryptonian SOS shields from your evil twin. They'll break out the green K when they really have to to stop you from hurting someone you'd be devastated to find out you had when you're yourself again. They'll grab the key to your arctic ice palace and follow you there without your knowledge, just because they know they can help and end up saving your life. And the world.
[/locked]

They'll risk themselves, life and limb, just because it might help you out in the long run, even if they may not make it out themselves. That's love. That's friendship.

That's Chloe.

Anything inspired by this image.


[locked to those who know]

Time travel is a really frightening thing. At least, it is for me. I guess if it's something you do every day, like the Legion does, you get used to it; it's just a part of your life. But for someone who grew up thinking that time travel and aliens and all that kind of stuff was science fiction? Finding out it's not is a little jarring when you sit down and really think about it.

I wasn't thinking about it when I used time travel for the first time. That should be absolute rule #1: Think about it. No rash decisions allowed. None. I don't even know if I realized that's exactly what was going to happen. All I wanted was to fix things, saw an opportunity to do it and took it. And I lost something I wasn't ready to give up.

I realize this is going to make me sound like a horrible, terrible person, but sometimes I wish I hadn't done it, that I could take it back. But then Lana would be dead, and I'm sure I'd feel the same way about that. It wasn't fair and I know that makes me sound six years old, but how am I ever supposed to accept and be okay with what happened? I can't and I hate that I can't.

The second time around, I wasn't exactly given a choice. In retrospect, I'm still not sure it was the right one, because the repercussions reverberated for a long time afterward and just created more trouble. I deal with it by telling myself that the problems that would have been caused if I hadn't gone back would have been worse. I can't prove it, but it's a pretty logical outcome. Probably. Some days, though, when I'm feeling extra selfish, I wish I'd just let it be because then I wouldn't have had to deal with anything that's ever happened to me or the people I care about.

The last time I went back to the past, it was my choice. I knew what I was doing. I'd thought it through and I made the decision. I stand by that one, for now, but there was no way in hell I was keeping that ring. It didn't seem all that scary when the Legion gave it to me. It was just a way to maybe see them again if I ever wanted, like a vacation. But the last thing I need is the temptation to have a quick fix for anything bad that ever happens. Sure, it was useful that time, but what if it became habit?

I don't need that option. I don't want that option. There is no “fix” no matter how much we want there to be. Playing around with time isn't a game. It's a risk, a gamble, and you can't ever know what the consequences will be. Things happen, good and bad and... you just have to take it as they come, when they come. I'm not glad I had to learn that the hard way, but I am glad I learned it.

[/locked]

Is this a trick question? No, seriously, is it?

All right. Well, I guess I could go the whole generic side stepping route and say that everyone keeps secrets, and it would be the truth. Everyone does. And to each person, those secrets are probably a really big deal and in the context of their lives, they're probably right.

Do I keep secrets? Yeah, I do. I keep a lot of secrets. Some of them I don't mind keeping, because they're not anyone else's business but mine. Some of them I think of more like habits, because it's just the way I was brought up. And some of them I hate keeping and wish I didn't have to because they feel more like burdens, but I do. So I keep them.

I've been fortunate to find a few people that I trust enough to let some of those burdens out, and it helps. It really does. But then that adds in a whole new dimension of having to keep track of who knows what secret and who doesn't. And then that's another secret I have to keep. Why? Well, it's secret. But despite that, there still isn't anyone who knows everything about me or what I know.

So yeah, I keep secrets. I know secrets in and out, up and down, backwards and forwards. And I probably always will.